There’s that familiar feelings that creeps on all of us. 

We could be with friends, or being with the ones we love. having a great time. Smiling, laughing, enjoying ourselves for a short period of time. But the happiness doesn’t last, does it? 

The feeling that slowly but surely crosses your mind. You try to let it pass and think about something else, but no. It doesn’t go away—Does it? It sticks with you until it takes over your mind. All the feelings you wish would just go away. The feeling of sadness, pain, and hopelessness. Sometimes, there’s nothing to be sad about, and sometimes there is. But you feel trapped, don’t you? You feel like there is absolutely no way out. It’s like being in the largest darkest tunnel and not finding a way out. No light, just pure darkness, with no way out. It’s like falling into a trap. No control. You can feel it all over your body too, can’t you? Everything starts to feel numb. You feel all alone too, don’t you? It really sucks. Trying to be happy, faking smiles, trying to get yourself through the day. Feel like your losing control of yourself? You can’t calm yourself down cant you? THE FEELING JUST DOESN’T GO AWAY. All of these racing thoughts and there’s only one thing you want to do, you want it to all stop and you feel all the adrenaline start up and everything is rushed and then it goes black. Everything is gone. ”So you want to kill yourself? Because no one cares about you. Your family hates you. Right? No. Your parents walking in your room in the morning to only find a dead body. They’ll try their hardest to not think negative, and to just think that you’re fooling around. Then they’ll start shaking you. Why aren’t you breathing? They’ll be broken. Tears. Many tears. More tears than you ever shed. Was it them? Were they the reason you did this? More tears. Pain. Every day. Every night. Every single second of every day. Guilt. More guilt. What about your best friends? They’re not going to care. Right? No. What’s the first thing that will go through their mind when your principal comes in and tells the class that you’re not alive. While your best friend sits there in tears. That girl that you’d smile at but never talk to? She’s now crying. The boy who used to kick you under the table just to annoy you? He’ll be shocked. He’ll be devastated. He’ll blame himself. What about your teacher? Thoughts crossing her mind. She’ll question if you did it because she didn’t make school comfortable enough for you. Pain. Devastation. All in one. Who organizes your funeral? Who has to go through your stuff? Clothes? Notes? Those few older girls who used to give you daggers at school? They’ll feel regret. They’ll blame themselves. See, if you killed yourself today, you’ll never know what might of happened tomorrow. You’ll never know because you’re dead. Plain dead. Not breathing. Not alive. Just dead. Your family hates themselves for it. Your best friend then falls into depression. Tears. Tears. More tears than a river. All because you killed yourself because you thought noone would care. Right? You are loved. By many. Someone right now is thinking of you. And right now, I’m thinking about anyone who has thought or is considering suicide. You are beautiful. No matter if you’re black, white, homo-sexual, tall, short, overweight or anorexic. You are beautiful. You want to kill yourself? Think about it first. There’s no coming back. And I promise, if you do it, you are not only hurting yourself, you are hurting many. You are creating more tears than you led yourself to. You are making everyone miserable and making them all feel guilt and pain. Never will they feel whole like they used to when they had you. You are beautiful. And you are never ever alone.”

I just want to say, anyone out there that sometimes feels the way I do, before you take a bottle of pills, pick up a blade, burn yourself, or do any sort of self harm to try to end your life, think about this; It’s not helping anyone. It will bring more pain to people then you could ever imagine. Just remember, you. are.  loved. and there are people to help you get through whatever you’re going through. 

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This was a submission from a friend of mine, who’s really more of a sister to me. She has captured the words I’ve wanted to say for so long. Thank you Erin.